Depression and Anxiety stole my 30th birthday celebration.

I closed my eyes for just a second. I sat in a chair, holding my hands together, and squeezing them tightly without anyone else noticing because I continued to smile. My hands began fidgeting, one massaging another continuously, but again, no-one noticed because my hands were hidden under the table as I continued to smile. I knew everything was going to be just fine, but then again, it wasn’t.

                   Friends and family laughed, conversed, and then everything became silent. To break the awkward silence, one person looked around and awkwardly asked, “Where is the waiter with our food? Feels like we’ve been waiting for hours.” Everyone else at the table began looking around with no success toward finding the waiter.

                   I looked at the time on my phone to see that it had only been 20 minutes since we’ve arrived. Everyone was already becoming anxious to eat and leave.

                   Small talk continually occurred throughout dinner. Within the hour, some ordered dessert and others explained that it was late, and therefore they had to leave. We said our thank you’s and our goodbyes in which I heard them conversing amongst themselves as they began to leave, “Was it really only 1 hour? It felt like an eternity.” To which the other responded “Agreed. Our night could have been spent better being at home.” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach hearing these words, but no-one could have known it. Deep down inside, I knew that “celebrating me” was a bad idea. I continued to smile and converse with others as we enjoyed our desserts.

                   As the dinner and desserts were paid for, I began to give my appreciation to everyone for the birthday get-together. But only 1 person responded as the subject was immediately changed, “My birthday is next weekend! We are going to have so much fun,” another person said. Everyone began dancing and laughing as they walked out to their cars. I realized that the “celebration of me” was finally over and everyone was happy about it.

One last “Happy 30th birthday,” was shouted to me by each person before I got in my car and began to drive home.

The 20 minute drive alone was filled with anger and sadness. The thoughts that filled, not just my mind, but my heart and soul, were destroying me little by little. It wasn’t a process that was new… it was as if a well-known friend was visiting me. One that comes and visits when it wants and where it wants.

                   It began whispering the thoughts into me, “You wasted everyone’s night trying to have them celebrate you. Who are you to be celebrated? You should speed up and flip your car right now. It would be best for everyone. You are not valued — you are a burden. People force them-selves to care for you because something is wrong with you and they know it.”

                   “Focus,” I told myself as I began singing worship music in the car. Causing myself to feel free, valued, and loved. I wanted this friend of mine to be overpowered by God’s truth. But, it’s never that easy.

                   I arrived home with a body that felt weak, a heart that beat double, and a mind that had trouble finding rest. I struggled to unlock the door as my friend continued speaking to me, “You can’t do anything right. You can’t even unlock a door. You’re pathetic. Remember the time you tried to teach someone about love and you looked like a fool instead? Remember the time you tried to learn that new skill and again you failed. You’re dumb and you’re weak.”

                   “Focus” I once again said to myself. I unlocked the door and walked straight to my daughter’s room. She was staying at her father’s house that night and I was going to be home alone all night.

                   I didn’t shower, I didn’t change my clothes, and I didn’t call anyone because I didn’t want to be a bother. I laid in her bed, hugged her stuffed animals… and I reminded myself of the pain it would have caused her if I had flipped the car.

                   I cried, and I cried, and I cried. My oxygen was cut low and my body went numb. The pain in my heart was the only thing I could feel.

                   Suddenly, I heard “Mommy! Are you done? You’ve been in the shower forever!”

I opened my eyes to find myself sitting on the floor of the tub as the water poured down. My body still felt weak and my heart was still in pain. No tears ran down my face, though, and I was still 29 years old. Nothing I experienced was true.

                   I got out, got dressed, cuddled with my daughter, and picked up my phone to type a message, “We need to cancel my birthday dinner. I’m not feeling well,” and hit “send.”

                   My friend was gone, I felt at peace, and then I heard the words “It’s time to fight this ‘friend’ of yours. Because it is not your friend, it’s an enemy.”

***Anxiety and depression are real. You’re not crazy, dramatic, or possessed by a demon. This was an experience that I had around the time I began my medication. I missed an opportunity to celebrate my 30th birthday with friends and family who WANTED to celebrate me because of this invisible struggle.***

And to be as openly – honest as possible, I strongly believe that the only reason I am still here today — is because I consumed myself with God’s truth (Bible, music, videos, movies, writings, books) to overpower each time my “friend” came to visit me.

Pray—Connect—Grow. Gods love is GREATER.

Depression diagnosis

Things are good, but things were greater over 1 month ago. And still, my best friend tricked me, yelled at me, and then forced me to see a doctor. It’s been over a month now that I have been diagnosed with major depression. I still don’t understand it.

                   I am somehow truly happy with life… yet the thoughts in my head are insanely scary. And they have been since I was 12-13 years old. I pray, I fight, I read, I learn, I grow, I cry, I laugh, I meditate on God’s word, I follow my dreams, I eat healthy, I exercise, I focus on hobbies, I surround myself with family and spend time with friends… I’ve tried it all. But life happens!

                   I work 9 hour shifts, spend one-on-one time with my daughter, cook dinner, and clean, I can’t always exercise, I can’t always eat perfectly because sometimes there isn’t enough time in the day to pack the perfect-healthy lunch. I’ve prayed and I’ve known that God is with me, and then at the same time I’ve wondered “what’s the point?”

                   I had a very scary episode in which I reached out to Tiffany, one of my 2 best friends since 7th grade who has seen and heard of my ups and downs since. Within the hour she scheduled me an appointment with her doctor in which she said “it would be free because you are a friend of an employee” which was her. She tricked me, she payed for it.  

                   I was hesitant to go because deep down inside I felt like “depression isn’t real. I pray, life is good, there is nothing to be upset about… maybe I’ll just be starting my time of the month and I’m emotional.”

                   The next day, I picked my daughter up from her dad’s house. (this is how God works) My daughter randomly decided to ask me “Why are we alive? Lita (grandma) was telling me about heaven. Why can’t we all just die and be in heaven. I want to die and be in heaven now.”

                   I was stunned. She kept talking about this as my heart dropped and I prayed for God to help me understand so I could give her the right answer. She then ended it with saying “Mom, I’m going to do my best at being the best daughter ever so that I don’t ruin your life.”

                   Again, I was stunned. I asked “Why do you think you’re going to ruin my life?” She said, “The other night. You were really sad and mad, and you said because I’m mean to you, that I’m ruining your life.”

                   My heart dropped again. I didn’t (and still don’t) remember saying any of that to her.

                   I texted Tiffany and said, “Make the appointment sooner. I will be there whatever day and time you want me there.”

                   I was able to talk to my daughter. I told her “How would you feel if you gave me a gift and I didn’t want it?” She said, “bad.” I responded with “God gave us life as a gift. He wants us to enjoy it… to make the most of it… and when the time is right, then we will experience heaven.” Then, of course, I went on and on explaining how there is no way she could ruin my life… and that she has saved it.

                   Over 1 month ago I started medication and I was supposed to start counseling, but since COVID-19 entered out lives, it hasn’t been very possible. I still don’t fully understand depression, but I know it’s real.

                   The doctor was asking me numerous questions and I answered as honestly as possible. A lot of things that I thought were normal… isn’t.

                   So, today… I decided to write about it and share my experience… even though I still don’t fully understand it. I want others to be aware and to be careful, especially since many are stuck in isolation to help reduce the hospital visits and the spread of the virus.

                   I am scared of being stuck at home but it is an absolute blessing that my sister and her boyfriend decided to come stay with me through this so that I wouldn’t be alone and my daughter can enjoy her time out of school at it’s best.

                   My entire family and the 4 friends that know have been pretty supportive.

                   I’m worried about not being able to pay bills, I am worried that the depression might rise again, but those worries are pushed aside as I focus on priorities (health, family, friends, life) and knowing I am doing my best so that God can get to work on the rest.

Everything IS going to be better than “alright.”

Coronavirus. It’s okay to be afraid.

2 nights ago, I woke up at 2am with just enough oxygen to reach over and pick up my inhaler. I was then able to prepare the nebulizer and was breathing normally. I can’t imagine how badly things would have gone if I didn’t have these supplies with me.

                   As I am reading, (to stay informed as we all should be doing) I’ve learned much, including that hospitals are low on supplies — all types of supplies. Of course, I began imagining the worst such as me needing to go to the hospital, them being out of supplies, them using more intrusive ways to get me breathing, or them not able to help me start breathing again due to circumstances.

                   Yea, these thoughts suck — but these are thoughts that could become a reality. These are thoughts that are highly possible. And these are thoughts that cause fear. Which is okay.

                   Fear is a horrible thing when someone dwells on it. Fear is a waste when people convert it into foolishness and selfishness. Fear causes walls to be built, life to be put on pause, depression, ignorance, anger, and many other negative ways of living. But fear can also be a positive power. Use fear to feel alive — not to hide and die inside.

As things are not under control regarding the coronavirus, I will allow fear with wisdom and selflessness. I will self-isolate but not hoard. And I will focus on truth, not dwell in fear.

I will use fear to find reasons to smile right here and right now. I will use fear to be grateful for the life that I have lived. I will use fear to be a friend to others that are afraid. I will use fear to remember that these materials don’t matter — hugging my daughter and my nieces and reminding them what they mean to me is what matters. And I will use fear to plan for a hopeful and loving future to make sure that when I do die, I will be happy with the life I have lived.

As I’ve said many times before — the enemy doesn’t care about our circumstances, he cares about attacking our souls, he just uses our circumstances to reach our souls. Feel the fear, focus on God’s truth (read His word, pray, connect, and grow), and breath easy. You’ve got a beautiful future ahead.

John 16:33

Isaiah 41:10

Isaiah 54:17

Joshua 1:9

Why would a child be in a hospital if God could heal them through prayer? (From my book, The Open Letter)

Why would a child be in a hospital if God could heal them through prayer?

(“If God is the author of all truth, we need not be afraid to examine what might appear to be competing truth claims.” (The Integration of Psychology and Theology – J.D Carter, B. Narramore)

“Where the truth is, in so far as it is truth, there God is.” – Cervantes)

Prayer:

A question has sparked this prayer

A question has caused me to question You

If you are a powerful God

A loving and merciful God

Why are there children in hospitals?

Why are people sleeping on streets?

Why do we depend on doctors?

If you, through prayer, can meet our needs?

I don’t understand your power,

I don’t understand your love

It’s stated that it’s unconditional,

So, why is life so tough?

We gather in prayer for healing,

We gather in prayer for strength,

We gather in prayer for you to come through,

But, is prayer really all that it takes?

Why do we need hospitals?

If prayer will bring the healing?

Why do we need therapist’s?

If prayer will cure our feelings?

I guess what I’m really asking is

Why do our prayers get let down?

Some people who don’t pray at all,

Get healing all around.

Some people who never cease to stop,

Are ignored and so broken down…

What is the purpose of prayer?

How do you choose when to listen?

How do you choose when to answer some prayers?

And how do you choose when to dismiss them?

I’ve read in Matthew, Seventeen, Twenty

Faith the size of a mustard seed is plenty,

And yet sometimes it’s never enough,

God…

Bring clarity to what we speak of.

God’s Response:

Your faith moves me in your direction

Not in the direction that you demand,

Your faithful prayer invites me in

But, doesn’t confirm your wanted plan.

I created the world you live in,

I created the people you see

My love is unconditional,

Which means you have the freedom to be.

Prayer unites us both,

Prayer connects my spirit with yours,

My power will lie within you,

This connection will open new doors.

Doors that evil has hidden,

Doors that will ignite your faith,

Doors that will show you truth,

That lives are not what’s at stake.

Your soul is what evil is after,

It’s your soul that evil will hit.

It uses physical death to fill others with pain,

And their souls to deteriorate.

So, you pray for me to come through,

You pray for me to intervene,

Your prayer leads me to save your soul,

But, you’re blinded by the scene.

You pray for your child to live,

As I watch evil sweep the streets,

I will comfort you in your healing,

And attend to your every need,

But I now hold on to your child,

As your anger blames it on me,

You say that I’m a liar,

Because your demands, I did not meet.

You say prayer doesn’t change things,

You say my love and power is weak,

You question whether I even exist,

Or if your lives even matter to me.

So, when should I take control of your day?

When your child is lying in pain?

Or when you’ve decided to drive while drunk?

To which you avoided the thought of my name.

When should I follow through with your demanded prayers?

As you pray for your relationship to be fixed,

You want me to heal the marriage,

When clearly your souls are at risk.

I aim for your souls to be healed,

I aim for your souls to be free,

I am here for you to experience true love,

Because evil will not let you be.

—————————————————————

“We have hospitals for when we are attacked by evil, because evil does roam this world. And these hospitals fight for our healing which is a success when God says it is better for one to heal. It is not a success when God says it is better for this person to be with Him. Why not do the healing Himself if He is an all-powerful God? Well, when one child falls and scrapes his knee and another child places a band aid on him, does it not make the hurt child feel less alone, help that child to know he has a friend, and simply united with the others around him? God’s love is not proud or selfish, it is unconditional… He wants us to experience love even if we give others the credit and lose our belief in Him because of it.”

Cuts from – The Open Letter

I took a 6-month break from my book because I got super bored with it. I’ve been working on it again but have decided to cut a few things that seem weaker than the rest of the book. Still, I’d like to share some of the things that are being cut out just in case it helps -even one- person. The book I am writing is a fiction story that consists of a variety of people crying out to God, but while being so caught up with emotions and what -seems to be- truth from damaging experiences, they can’t hear God crying out in return with His actual truth.

I am just a mere human

And, I do understand that.

So, when you say I am forgiven,

I know that I’m brought back.

But, God, it’s been a while,

And there’s nothing but a wall.

I’ve been praying for forgiveness,

But this wall just doesn’t fall.

I am numb, and I am silent

My words become violent,

I am angry my God, and it’s not easy to hide it.

My prayers have shortened,

Then my words go unspoken,

I spread your word, God,

But our relationship is broken.

I feel empty without you,

Without purpose, without rest,

Without our relationship,

I don’t feel much blessed.

Father, God, I am here

All I desire is you.

I am not worth much,

But I beg to renew,

The Father and child blessing,

The connection of love,

What has now become a memory,

That I hold strongly of.

What am I doing wrong?

Why can’t we be?

I am asking you questions, God.

Please answer me.

God’s response:

Hold on to my truth, child,

I am here and I’m for you,

If anything, it’s your truth,

That needs to be renewed.

I’ve never left you, and I never will

I am a part of you, holding still,

All the while, you try to be strong

And keep on disregarding my will.

I am the strength of your weakness,

You have sunk to such deepness,

Believing this wall,

Could keep us from reaches.

I am holding you child,

This wall is just a vision,

Please wipe your eyes clean

And see the true condition.

I live in your heart,

And you live in mine,

We could never be apart

So, stop wasting our time.

Pour out your heart,

Let’s reconnect through prayer,

Don’t hold back on your words,

This could all be repaired.

You’ll find me in your pain,

You’ll see me in your stress,

I’ll hold you through each word,

And solve this mattered mess.

So, please rely on me,

Please don’t deny me,

We have this chance for connection,

Please don’t die on me,

But instead re-die with me,

And as you die in me,

You’ll revive to see,

I’ve always been here, and I always will be…

I talk and I write

I make moves and I fight

I want to be yours

But, it’s as if you don’t want me in sight.

I am silent and reserved

I sit still as I observe

My desire to be yours

Is a desire that goes unheard

I am broken and angry

So, I sit back and wonder if maybe,

I’ve fallen so deep that…

There’s nothing left in me.

Why am I a no-one?

Of no importance and no purpose.

Deep within is a brilliant passion

That I fear to bring to surface,

Because, who am I without You?

And without You is where I am

I’ve fought, and I’ve fought, God…

And here without You, is where I stand.

Realizing that God cries out back to us has been a long learning process, but it has greatly impacted my life. We always beg for God to hear our cries, yet, after we vent to God… we move on without taking the time to listen to Him in return and assume he either doesn’t care… or that he doesn’t exist. Most of us are so focused on ourselves, wanting God’s power for ourselves, wanting God to make moves for our own benefit, and then denying his existence because He doesn’t give in to our weak desires. Just as your child would tell you that you “don’t love them” because you won’t allow them to have extra dessert or get out of brushing their teeth. You discipline with love because you know what is best for them, instead of giving in to their weak desires, you enforce what is right. We tend to forget that God’s love is unconditional because we are so focused on what we desire.  God speaks to us… we just have to listen… and accept it. And then other times, we invite God in, but when it is not what we want to hear, we dismiss it. He enforces the right path for us, but if we don’t like it… we make excuses to no longer invite Him in. And through those choices, He still stands by us and waits to be accepted back into our lives. I learned that free-will is definitely an option, but God’s-Will is always the better option.

God’s response:

You could never be without me,

For I am in everything.

Every hug and every smile,

Every hurt and every scream,

Even in the sighs, that your soul so lightly sings.

I am in the Heavens, I am in the light,

I am with you when it’s dark,

And when you’ve fought the toughest fight.

I am amongst the living, I am holding on to the dead

How could you believe that I am not with you?

Have you forgotten the blood that I’ve shed?

First Corinthians, Chapter Thirteen

States the Characteristics of My love

I am not anything near human

I am the God that the Bible speaks of.

So, please re-direct your thoughts,

I am Who the Bible says,

Take time to get to know me,

And stop focusing on you instead.

The world will create a god,

So, let go of its manipulation.

Focus on My truth

And accept the true redemption.

            Again, these seemed to be the weaker writings (weaker writings, not less important of a message) of my book but still held truth to them. Even though I don’t relate much to them anymore, I know there are others who are at a different stage with God. The attacks from the enemy are real but you are not alone.

#Pray #Connect #Grow

#WeSpeak #HeListens #HeSpeaks #WeListen

How is focusing on Christ going to pay my bills?

I remember when I was 11 or 12 years old hearing my dad attempt to convince a friends-mom to accept Christ into her life. Her response was, “Listen, my focus lies on paying these bills. God isn’t going to pay my bills. Please excuse me so I can get some rest for work tomorrow.”

                   I never questioned my dad or anyone else about that woman’s response… but I did talk to God about it for years.

                   She was right. God was not going to give her money or pay her bills. She had to do that herself. (Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach him to fish, he eats for a lifetime. God will not rob us of our best selves by handing everything to us.) Beside the fact that God gave her 2 working legs, feet, arms, hands, a healthy brain, and a stable job that she pursued on her own… she seemed to still be correct. She was working, paying her bills, taking care of her health, taking care of her family, and who knows what else, all without inviting Christ into her life. She was doing – just – fine.

                   But was she really just fine? And even if she was, who wants to settle for “just fine?”

                   Let me introduce you to something that most of the world doesn’t know about: Happiness. She might have it all, or he might have it all, or they might be “just fine,” but life isn’t about being “just fine” or having things. Period. Yes, a yacht with an all you can eat buffet would definitely bring us happiness, but honestly, only for those that are wanting to escape life. Vacations are great, our minds and bodies need them, don’t twist what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, if everything disappeared except humanity, who would be left empty and who would be left with fulfillment?  Who would be left with nothing and who would be left with everything? (questioned directly by me)

                   Matthew 6:33 has been my most favorite verse for over 5 years now. Once I discovered it and the depth behind it, I’ve held onto it with my entire heart, mind, body, and soul. “Instead, be concerned above everything else with the Kingdom of God and with what He requires of you, and He will provide you with all these other things.”

First, I’d like to start by saying that I am human and the process was no-where near perfect and still isn’t. But, it is solid and has well-worth it results.

                   God is not directly paying my bills, but my bills are being paid directly because of Him. And not only are they being paid, but they are joyfully being paid.

                   I have spent most of my days connecting with God and being submissive to Him. Through this, I have learned who I am, whose I am, and how I want to be. Through this focus on Christ I have come to realize that my character has been built into a woman that works passionately, joyfully, and intelligently within the career path I am in now. And because of this, my employers, co-workers, clients, and their families, are happy with my services. Because of my choosing to Focus on Him, the Kingdom, and His requirements of me, my bills are joyfully being paid. And my bills consist of survival and enjoyment. Not unnecessary, unfulfilling things. Does this make sense?

                   As you focus on Christ, as scripture guides us to do, your whole being transforms — in which your whole life transforms. Focus on Christ and He will take care of all things. Relationship issues? Focus on what God requires of you (patience, kindness, understanding, not keeping record of wrongs, etc.) Job issues? Focus on the requirements (Discipline, maturity, determination, connecting with God to find your passion and pursuing that career, faith, reliability, effort, etc.) Health issues? Again, focus on Gods requirements (eating right, exercising correctly, praying with faith, having a calm soul through the process, etc.)

                   The list of problems goes on and on but so does the love of God, His wisdom, and His faithfulness. He doesn’t want us to focus on the “hell” part of life (fear, worry, stress, anger, etc.) or else the Bible would have stated THAT instead of what Matthew 6:33 says. (Of course we should be aware of those feelings, cautious, listen to them with wisdom, but not FOCUS on them.)

                   As you focus on Christ (His wisdom, teachings, sending you to help others, having the right character through the good and the bad, praying, knowing He is involved and in control therefore you do not have to be, reading scripture, BEING the scripture) your soul will be at ease and you will transform into the person you were ultimately meant to be. That way, if everything in the world did disappear or somehow no longer had any meaning to it… you would still be filled with happiness and faith as many others would be left lost and with fear.

Praying for all my readers. You are loved!

Men, hear this out (as you read it) (Women are exhausted and we need you) – Follow up from last ranted blog.


                1 Corinthians 11:3 says “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

                Genesis 2:18 says “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper for for him.”

                Ephesians 5:33 says “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

                Men, us women are EXHAUSTED. Here is a refresher of what we need from you. Yes, I said “need” and not “want.” Women all over the world have been fighting to be more powerful, smarter, stronger, tougher, to be seen, and to be heard because we are tired of being seen and treated as less; but I said “need” because God created man AND woman for a reason. We need each other. 

                First of all, notice the first verse. There is so much depth to each one but I’m going to focus on how this one directs men to God. Read that again; it directs men – to – God. Men, we need you to take the time and submit yourselves to Christ to gain restoration. Close out the world and refresh your soul’s through Christ. I can’t stress enough how deeply it is needed. This world will eat you up and spit you out without you even realizing it’s happening. Without connecting with Christ, you’ll come to believe that the ways of the world are the only ways to live. You’ll desire unnecessary things and make avoidable — harmful mistakes. As I’ve mentioned in other blogs, the enemy isn’t out to destroy circumstances… he is out to destroy souls — he just knows that destroying your circumstances will lead to destroying your soul because we are consumed by the ways and standards of the world. You don’t need to have and be what social media, television, magazines, and music say you should have and be (big house, rude to women, 2 women at a time or multiple throughout life, the most expensive car, living in a woman’s house so that she can support you, tricking women into sleeping with you, buying yourself another pair of sneakers instead of paying a debt, etc.…) Your happiness, purpose, strength, courage, and all else will be found when connected with Christ and disconnected from all else. (It’s about character. Focus on the Kingdom: Matthew 6:33. BE WHO Christ wants you to be and all else will be taken care of.) Then and only then will you be able to look at the media and others around you and have the confidence to not serve them in any way because you’ll know who you are; which is a leader through Christ in the purpose He has given you ( we all have special gifts given to us by God to serve a purpose in life.) So if/when you do serve others with anything, it will be with the contribution God has asked you to lead with. And this will be more fulfilling than anything else this world asks of you or has to offer you.

                The second verse say’s it’s not good for man to be alone. Again, there is so much depth to this verse but I will focus on the part that God said He will make a helper for him. Women are your helpers (and vice-versa) meaning we are here for you (“we are here for you” not as ownership, but as a companion). We aren’t against you, above you, or beneath you. Women should be respected, honored, heard, seen, and taken care of emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Water a woman correctly and she will create a garden for you to reside in; leave her quenched and you’ll be left with dry grass and wilted flowers. Does this make sense? She will either be miserable with you or leave you and be happy on her own.

                And with that, the last verse comes into play. A woman will see her husband and see he deserves her respect as she focuses on her own behavior (as a man focuses on his own behavior.) Why should a woman be submissive to a man who isn’t submissive to God? It’s self-destruction for her.

                As I have said in my last-rant-based blog, woman no-longer know what it is to be loved correctly; and men no-longer know how to love correctly. This world has brought us so far to the point where true and meaningful things have been lost. Re-connect with Christ daily (multiple times throughout the day as simple as saying “God teach me.”) 

Men, step up. Introduce LOVE, kindness, loyalty, understanding, perseverance, patience, honesty, faithfulness, and all else God leads you to – to the women of this generation and the next. This will place you on a higher step than any other step that fools stand on with meaningless items and ways. Be an example and teach it. Who better to have on your side than God?

I pray every day — so why am I still depressed/anxious?

First off, I would like to begin the blog by reminding you that you are human, healing is a process, and that this is a personal blog from a woman who spends her time in prayer, meditation, and observing the world in her own way.

I’m going to clarify my beliefs based off my experience with depression and anxiety. Something which I am still working on till this day.

I was never diagnosed by a doctor with depression or anxiety… but I am super sure that if I ever walked into a doctor’s office and explained my thoughts and actions, they would have definitely diagnosed me and offered treatment. I was embarrassed to share my true thoughts and feelings with anyone, including doctors, because I figured I’d be called crazy, not a true Christian, and become more isolated than I already was.

I turned to God for therapy. I remember writing letters to Him regarding my thoughts and feelings, I remember asking Him “Why? Why not just end my life today or tomorrow?” I remember watching Joyce Meyer’s and Joel Osteen and hating how prideful they seemed yet loving the words they were saying. I remember forcing myself to listen to uplifting music, forcing myself to write down positive thoughts, refraining myself from music, movies, and people who made me feel sad in any way, and reading positive/uplifting books and quotes throughout the week. I also remember being sick and tired of uplifting and positive things. It felt fake, as if I was being lied to, and as if I was wasting my time.

“I’m sick of always having to think positive. I’m sick of always having to force myself to look on the bright side. I’m sick of always TRYING. I try, I lose, and then I have to start over again. I don’t want to TRY any more, I just want to BE.”

These were my fights with God starting back in 2014. 6 years later and all that “trying” has become my lifestyle. My life is not picture perfect, but it is absolutely beautiful, and I find myself absolutely beautiful (because of who God has created me to be). Of course, AS HUMAN, I forget it at times… but the truth always comes back to me.

Now that I look back at the years, I understand the process God had to play out for me.

First, rock bottom began my relationship with God. I was so shut down that I had absolutely no where to go. I had no choice but to actually reach out to God and depend on a response. I had friends and family but that didn’t mean I was brave enough to tell them “Hey, I’m legitimately thinking of killing myself in a few days if something doesn’t change in my life.” I knew 1 of 3 things would have happened.

  1. I wouldn’t have been taken seriously which would have caused more pain,
  2. They would have forced professional treatment on me which I hadn’t wanted, or
  3. They wouldn’t have had any answers to help me… so why would I have informed them if it would’ve been left at a dead end?

Second, Detox. He had to cut certain things from my life that were doing me no good. Did I cry over it because of the little faith I had and because I couldn’t see the big picture? Of course, I did. (Again, I’m human, one that has a lot to learn)

Third, Clarity. He had to get started on cleansing my heart, mind, and soul by overpowering the lies I had learned and taught me His truth.

My depression came from not truly believing God existed. He was more of a “lifestyle” to me or something that I was “used to” instead of really knowing He existed. Once I clearly understood that God was real, the words from the Bible came to life. Once I understood God loved me unconditionally, I realized that anything “terrible” that was happening to me wasn’t too terrible because God wouldn’t allow for my soul to be taken. I was financially unstable, single (which seemed like a horrible thing), uneducated, and viewed as less due to the worldly standards of “who is great and who is not great based off finances, education, marriage/family, and looks.” Which is something the enemy uses to distract us, causing pain to our hearts and minds, which drains the soul. The enemies target is not your circumstances or anything in this world… he only uses these things because he knows how consumed we are by them. The enemy uses these things to target our soul into depression and anger… it’s our soul that both God and the enemy are after. I realized that I could be living in a box with little to no food, and as long as I could give my soul to Christ, things would be okay.

I was very stubborn, though. Years ago, I would think words such as “So, I have to settle for a crappy life and choose to have a happy soul.” Words like that closed me out from Gods greatness.

God wants you to see and feel the true meaning of life, but you’d have to be willing to risk it all. By doing this, though, you are becoming free. Free of the lies that are taught to you, free of the standards the world places, free of the anger, free of anxiety, and free of the depression. And with that freedom comes success to living the life God has intended for you to live — which is not being alone, not living in a box with little to no food, and not having the urge to take your life away.

Gods truth (which is found in the Bible and through prayer) is that YOU were created for a purpose, and with God, you can seek out that purpose, you can put that purpose to work, and you can live every day joyfully because of this purpose.

Your focus needs to be shifted from the problems in life onto your capability, your passion, your contribution to the world, and allow God to be in control of all those things that have been hurting and damaging you. God’s truth tells us that His love is unconditional, that He is on our side, that we should not fear because He is with us, that we should not worry because he’s got it under control, and that worldly standards are nothing but distractions from the life God wants us to truly experience. A life of love and happiness is waiting for you as soon as you realize that God IS real, and His LOVE is real, and therefore nothing can harm your soul.

John 3:16 (For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.) (this verse goes even deeper than heaven and hell. It applies to our lives here on earth as well.)

Ephesians 2: 4-5 (But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.)

Begin the process, trust the process, enjoy the process.

1st Corinthians 7:7

1st Corinthians 12: 6-10

1st Corinthians 12: 27-31

1st Peter 4:11

Psalm 36:7

Psalm 109:21

Galatians 2:20

1 John 4: 9-10

Romans 5:5 (just read all of Romans)

Romans 5: 8

Romans 8:28

Romans 8: 31-32

Romans 8:35

Romans 8: 38-39

Romans 12: 6-8

Colossians 1:16

Jeremiah 29:11

Matthew 6:33

Proverbs 19:21

#Depression #Anxiety #Passion #Prayer #Pray #Connect #Grow #Faith #Believe #Life #Death #Love #Faith #Happiness #Joy #Sadness #Belief #Help #Scripture #Depth #Drive #Bible #Biblical #Christ #Purpose

The God-intended person you should be. Fearless and powerful.

(Years ago) I used to hear the word “sin” and think “dang, a betrayal against God. Going to have to deal with the punishment and work to get that forgiveness and salvation again.” Being a Christian was exhausting. Wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it anymore at times. Why work so hard for God when my life was always a mess?

Raising my daughter taught me a lot about God’s love and about His character. And till this day, I get consumed and distracted with life, forgetting what God has already taught me. But his love is so unconditional that he never gets tired of restoring my soul with His truth. I was stressing the other night about needing to connect and talk with someone about some stuff I was worrying about. I sat at my computer, ready to type, but nothing was coming out. My daughter came and sat at the table and said she had something to tell me.

“Mommy, I was watching scary stuff on the tablet today. I saw 5 scary videos… and now I am scared to go take a shower by myself and I don’t want to sleep in my bed alone. Are you mad at me?”

The words that God taught me a few years ago came straight out “Sin is its own punishment babe. I’m here FOR you… not to ever hurt you.” #ChristLike

I explained to her that I placed rules down to keep her from facing the consequences of these “sins.” Not to keep her from having any “fun” and then punishing her if she ever disobeyed me.

“So, let’s over-power the fear with courage.”

I asked her about the scary videos, we turned them into comedies, made fun of all the characters, and then reminded her of God’s truth: He’s always with us, God tells us to have NO FEAR, He has overcome evil with good, etc.…

All of this reminded me of the woman God has always intended for me to be. A fearless woman regardless of the experiences I’ve dealt with in life. It reminded me how the words and actions of others can easily sneak in and — in a way — overpower Gods truth and power. Someone will tell us “What’s the use?” “Are you sure you can do it?” “Maybe try another dream.” “Not sure if you’re capable.” And it completely drifts us away from the person God intends for us to be. The words of others quickly become the words we speak to ourselves. They become our beliefs and then they become our lifestyle.

He created us, He knows us better than we know ourselves, He gave us the abilities, passions, drive, and desires! If the world says “no,” but God says “Yes,” then it’s a yes!

Here I was, stressing about needing to talk to someone and God sent in my 7-year-old daughter to remind me of what He’s taught me before. Staying up till 10pm and talking with her was a simple and beautiful reminder that He is always with us and knows what’s in our hearts. Just as His word promises.

Look at the person you are when you worry, stress, try to control uncontrollable things, react out of anger, etc…. and look at the life it creates for you.

Look at the person you are when you smile, knowing God’s got you, knowing it’s His truth that is running your life instead of the words of others or the lies you tell yourself at times and then look at the lifestyle it creates.

Be who God created you to be and live the life God intended for you to live… don’t settle for less.

Joshua 1:9

Psalm 145: 18-19

Isaiah 43:1

John 14:27

Romans 12:21

#Passion #Drive #TheOpenLetter #Pray #Connect #Grow #Love #Faith #ChristLike #Scripture #Power #God #Fearless #Life #Truth #Happiness #Joy #Free #Freedom

Should I be with him/her?

Should I marry him/her? Should I stay with him/her?

They (numerous couples) remind me of an addiction more than a romance. The need each other. They need each other’s presence, they need each other’s affection, they need each other’s attention, they need each other to feel satisfied. They can-not simply be, because they are always in need. Just like any other addiction whether it be to drugs, drinking, television, eating, etc… it’s just not the way life should be lived. Little by little – it destroys you.

Two people should not be together because of an addiction. And it’s difficult to call it an addiction when you are blinded from what real love should be like. Love should be free. Free to be alone, free to be obsessive, free to be happy, free to be angry, free to be with friends, free to be together, free to give, free to receive, and it should be something that is wanted… not needed.

I always say – and strongly believe, that love is also a choice. But choosing to love an addiction will destroy your heart, mind, soul, body, and circumstances. That is when your eyes should be open to realizing that what you have is not love. Love is when your heart, mind, soul, body, and circumstances are healthy and free because of the love you feed each other, and then during the difficult times is when you choose to love — such as being patient when one is being stubborn, being kind when another is being mean, being the strong one when the other is in a weak state of mind, being brave when the other is fearful, and so on.

When you’re truly in love… you should be a team. What are you doing looking out for yourself and hurting each other? Why are you feeding your own needs and disregarding the pain you’ll cause the person that loves you? If you’re in a relationship where you have to look out for yourself… then maybe you’ve got the wrong teammate. And that’s OKAY… Because the right teammate is out there for you. One that will have your back while you have theirs. And therefore, you shouldn’t be wasting time in a relationship that is destroying your heart, mind, body, soul, and circumstances… you should be focused on building yourself up and preparing for the arrival of your actual teammate in life.

Pray about it, connect with God, and allow Him to help you grow. No-one wants more for you than your creator. No Love is more unconditional than God’s. He WILL guide you in the right direction. Choose freedom.

#Pray #Connect #Grow #TheOpenLetter #Love #Faith #Trust #Soul #Passion #Happiness #Life #Relationships

I’ll tell you to run through the fire.

I’m a behavioral therapist. I work with kids that have “disabilities” such as autism. All sarcasm aside, these kids and families actually have superpowers. They run THROUGH fire.
As a behavioral therapist I help these children accomplish goals such as understanding what it means when I say “stand up”, to not be afraid of a book that plays music, or helping them focus on something when they have trouble looking at anything for longer than 3 seconds. Some of my amazing kids engage in behaviors such as running away, hitting themselves or others, or eating things they shouldn’t be eating. And believe it or not, these are the best people I’ve ever met in my life. These kids and these families have taught ME to run through the fire!
Typically, when a kid begins to tantrum, most people can-not stand the crying and yelling so they begin to bribe… naturally. “Want candy?” “Want a movie?” “Want this toy?” in which the tantrum ends and all honesty, the child wins. Who as a grown up gets to tantrum and receive what they want in life? I know for sure that I don’t. So, why teach it?
These families have to run through fire every-single-day until the problems are resolved. If a child has a problem behavior such as running away because he/she wants to play chase, is scared of something, is super excited, or is angry at something, and the parent instead chooses to lock them up each time they run away… it will only teach the child that they get punished for trying to communicate with us.
Yes, safety comes first. But, as RBT’s and families of these children, we have to think of the long-term effect. We stop what we are doing and figure out why this child chose to run away, and then teach them to communicate. Sounds easy right? (Keep in mind that teaching these kids is a repetitive and consistent thing until they full understand something that is a “simple instruction” to the Nero-typical) Imagine this kid running away while you’re trying to complete a term paper, or this child engaging in a loud and long tantrum because you didn’t allow them to run into the street meanwhile you are trying to figure out why he/she ran away this time, or all this happening while you’re at the parking lot of a grocery store. THIS is when you see these kids and families running through fire each and every time until the problem is resolved and they are both living safer lives. You won’t catch my families bribing these kids and walking around the fire… you’ll catch them observing the child and teaching them to communicate one way or another (some of these kids are non-verbal or echoic causing them to have harder times to communicate.) These families are thinking long-term solutions all the while being judged, stressing, worrying, and wondering if things will ever be okay. (Which things are okay because you all live a beautiful and powerful life AND things will keep getting better)
As grown-ups we learned that tantrums do not get us what we want. So, we’ve learned to run around the fire in other ways. I for one am guilty of the TV binge watching form of running away along with the kneeling by the bed and praying day after day. Don’t get me wrong, prayer is POWERFUL, (that’s how I went from binge watching television to having courage, wisdom, and all else needed to face my life’s problems.) But we have to learn to walk through the fire all the while knowing God will not allow us to get burned.
I’ll be honest, if you binge watch T.V, only pray but never make moves, smoke, drink, seek attention from boys/girls, or get lost in any other way continually (because I still binge watch television for mental breaks a night or two out of the month) then a few years down the road, you’re life will be exactly the same. Life is about walking THROUGH the valley of shadow and death like a CHAMP.
Observe yourself. What are you continually avoiding? Why are you always trying to escape real life? Look at your social media. What is it that you’re continually trying to show the world that your life is like? Find ways to make that real life. One step at a time. This way, you KNOW your life will progress in a positive way. One year from now your life will either be different… or the same. It all depends on whether you run through the fires.

God, I desperately pray that you water down the fires that my friends and families are going through so that they can begin the process of living the lives you’ve created for them. Give them the strength, the courage, and the wisdom to face the trials and even more of it after the trials are won. Help them to move forward without needing to escape or runaway. I want each and every one of them to be happier and live a life they are proud of. I can only imagine how much more you want it for them.
Thank you for this message, my friend!
Amen.

Psalm 23:4
John 16:33
Psalm 119:105
James 1:5
Proverbs 3:5

#Autism #Courage #Wisdom #Strength #Happiness #Love #Prayer #Life #AutismAwareness #Passion #Scripture #Faith

Tired of being patient!

“I’m tired of being patient.” I told my co-worker regarding my future. Cara’s response, “The thing is, Marysol, God is guiding you step by step into the future He sees for you. You only see the ‘now,’ He sees the whole picture.”
The following day I was texting my sister, Maria, about how excited I was about the future even though I wish it were now. She said “I can imagine God looking down at us excited because He knows what’s going to happen. The same way we look at our kids during Christmas because we know what they have coming.”
I then paused to thank God for sending this message to me two days in a row. I stopped to think about it because I knew God wanted me to understand something deeper. I was then reminded about my “close call” that happened this past Wednesday. I was at a red light on colonial waiting to make a left turn. I had my notecards and pencil, looking down, writing, and just enjoying my wait at the red light. When I looked up in the rearview mirror, a car going about 70-80mph was right behind me. It swerved into the grass just one second before hitting me. I watched this car dodge traffic as it tilted left and right. I’m guessing I held my breath for a good 10 seconds. I could have been dead and I wasn’t sure if this car and the people in it were going to make it.
If I’d been looking up and seen a car coming at me… I would have moved over to the left in the grass since cars were flying by at my right. And in my attempts to dodge the speeding car, it would have either hit the truck in front of me that was also at the light or it would have still swerved into the grass and hit me.
The point is God’s got me and God’s got you. He IS taking care of you and maneuvering things around on your behalf as you focus on His purpose for you (which is your passion). There is absolutely no need to live in fear, needing to be in constant control, or needing to rush life.
He knows the plans He has for you. No person’s opinion, no mistake, no worldly standards, no fear, no worry, and not a single bit of impatience can change that truth or overpower his authority. Focusing on the wrong stuff will only keep you from being joyful and keep you from engaging in the plans God is trying to guide you into. Let go and let God. #Happiness #Faith #Patience #Inspirational #Passions #Purpose #Prayer #Connect #Grow #ConnectionsAndDriveBringPassionsToLife

“How can I make my life end without killing myself?”

Years ago, the sadness I felt (which was created by the thoughts I was consumed with) created such a strong depression that I truly believed life was pointless. “Whether I do good or bad, nothing will matter once I am dead.” “What’s the point of trying to change anything in life? We all suffer, we all die, it all ends.”
Depression is no joke. It brings people into such a dark place and it is such a difficult place to get out of. Lies seem as if they are truth and truths seem as if they are lies. You reach a place where you can’t really tell the difference between reality and what’s “just in your head.” Everything becomes pointless and there is absolutely no desire to live. And there comes a point where you truly ask yourself “Why should I stay alive?”
I began the journey of “recovering from depression” over 4 years ago without even knowing it. (That’s how God works sometimes) It’s been a long yet WORTH IT process. Tiny little steps made the biggest difference in my life. They seem simple and as if they have the least impact… and yet, these little steps have the largest impact on healing.
The first time I found a solution to a problem by thinking outside of the box was when I told myself, “I want this life to end!“

I had – had it, so I asked, “how can I make my life end without killing myself?”

God answered it.
First things first, I turned to God for EVERYTHING and I LISTENED TO HIM. I heard from religion, but I listened to God. I heard from people, but I listened to God. I heard MYSELF, but I listened to God. God holds the truth we need to find ourselves, our passions, and our purpose. (I can-not stress this truth enough!)
Next thing is, I had family and friends who stuck by my side regardless of how difficult of a person I was. THEY understood my depression, they understood why I was the way I was, and THEY were patient and loving with me. BE THAT PERSON. It is a huge impact! If someone doesn’t have this support, it’s okay… you can STILL make it. God is all powerful and you are more than loved. But my process of healing was impacted greatly by the family and friends who pushed through till I made it.
And last but not least… know you are in control. Wake up and choose to be happy. It won’t happen right away, but it will happen. Practice it.

I remember thinking “So, I need to choose to be happy. Meaning I need to be fake, ignore my problems, and just pretend that life is good when it’s not?” It made me angry to hear the words “Choose to be happy.”

The thing is, when you make the decision to choose to be happy, it creates a ripple effect in your life and therefore it will not be fake, and problems will not be ignored. You become this person that tackles problems, this person that sees the beauty in everything, this person that creates success where success doesn’t even seem possible, and overall, you create this person and life that you are proud of to the point where you begin to forget the sadness you once held on to so deeply. But don’t, don’t ever forget it. Because others in this world will need you… the way they need you TODAY to fight for your life, so that you can be in theirs to love them and guide them in the future.
Stay focused, find your passion, and contribute it to the world in a positive way.

Matthew 6:33
Philippians 4:13
John 16:33
Isaiah 41:10
Matthew 11:28
Jeremiah 29:11

#Depression #Healing #Passion #Happiness #Truth #Love #Strength #Kindness #Faith #God #Scripture #Focus #Prayer #Contribution

Kindness

Every time I do something kind, people will either tilt their heads at me or ask “why?” Today I realized that I have been conditioned to always have an answer prepared as to why I have done something kind. But from now on I will answer myself and others by saying, “kindness does not need an explanation.”
Kindness, in my books, is a selfish act in a way. There is a kindness that people are when it benefits them in a way (such as a girl being kind to a boy if she thinks he will love her more.) There is a kindness that people are when it doesn’t create an interference (such as driving someone home after work because it is already on their way home.) And then there is a kindness that seems completely selfless such as being nice to someone when you know you will get nothing in return or driving someone home even though it will add an extra 20 minutes to your commute home. But still, there is a bit of selfishness in these acts of kindness because when it’s truly done from the heart, you find the purest form of joy.
I have a desire to help others decrease sadness and increase their joy. So here I want to take the time to say that being kind is the first step to finding your own happiness. And I mean being kind in a way that inconveniences you or won’t get you something in return. The next step is to find your passion. Because God has placed a passion in each one of us. This passion is the purpose in which he created us for. Think about it, so many people are passionate about singing and each person who pursues that passion ends up singing a song or songs that contribute to the world in a positive way. Whether it be in fame or at a church, their passions give them purpose after they use it for contribution.
Connect with yourself and connect with God. Stay focused on God’s truth and put the lies on extinction.

Matthew 6:33
Ephesians 2:10
1 Peter 4:10-11
Genesis 20:13
Ephesians 4:32
Proverbs 11:17
Proverbs 31:26

#Kindness #Joy #Happiness #Scripture #Love #Passionate #Wisdom #Inspirational #Life

Who you are… creates your life

“People do not need to behave a certain way for you to be happy… YOU need to behave a certain way for YOU to be happy.” These words of wisdom were trash to me a few years ago. “So, I should let people treat me however they want and smile anyway,” was my understanding of it all. “No, if they’re going to be jerks, I’m going to be an even bigger jerk.”
Only God knows just how exhausting that lifestyle was.
When I started working in ABA therapy, a kid came up to me, punched me and bit me, and my trainer said, “don’t react, just block it.” My immediate thought was “I’m just supposed to let this kid get away with doing this to me? How is he ever going to learn?”
Long story short, the first few months were filled with getting wacked, punched, kicked, bitten, spat on, and a whole bunch of other stuff. But, a year of consistent blocking, ignoring, and then redirecting how he should handle his emotions and communication with me… it was rare to see him get upset or furthermore attempt to hurt me. (Today’s work and patience creates a better future. Giving in to make the moment “easier” creates a tougher future)
One thing that I learned is that reacting to another person’s behavior is SO stressful and draining. Life is so much easier when you just don’t react. Why punish ourselves for the behavior of others?

Reacting usually seems like the right decision for the moment. It seems it will solve our problem for that very instant… but it won’t. It’s a waste of time and energy. And I am extremely literal about the “waste of time” part. If you knew you were going to die at the end of the week… would you truly be spending your time reacting to another person’s negative behavior toward you? I doubt it. Choose to live cheesy. “I might die at the end of the week, so, I don’t have time for this.”
I connected the dots to a Bible verse that says, “33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Which is what God is advising for us to do because “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (He advises us of the heart problems and gives us the solution by telling us to focus and what to focus on 😉 we serve a loving and wise God)
When someone is attempting to hurt us, are careless with how they treat us, or are creating anger in us… our emotions do get the best of us. And if we aren’t careful, we react on our emotions which then leads us to a form of regret. We have to be careful, cautious, and conscious about our emotions and who/what is being in charge. So, who/what is usually in charge of you? The truth of the person you are? Or the person that your emotions want you to be?
Focusing on Christ, His kingdom, and righteousness is a guide for everything. If you’ve been betrayed, lied to, hurt, abandoned, cheated, or anything else in that subject, it can create you to be someone you were not meant to be (As does media, music, magazines, and so on. Not that it’s bad, just have to be careful on what they make you believe you and your life should be like.) God did not create us to be cold or cautious in fear because of how others have treated us. He created us to be smart, creative, loving, and courageous. As we focus on Him, we remember WHO we are as HE handles everything else in life for us (jobs, relationships, finances.)

It all narrows down to “Who you are, creates your life.” For example: If you’re persistent and consistent, you will reach that goal. If you are lazy and careless, then you won’t be reaching any goals. You have all the freedom in the world to choose who to be. No-one can take that from you unless YOU allow it.
Don’t let anything take this truth from you. Be that person that God created you to be regardless of the behavior of others. People do not need to behave a certain way for you to be you or for you to be happy. It is your very own choice… you need to focus on how you behave for your own happiness.

Matthew 6:33
Jeremiah 17:9
Genesis 1:27

#Behavior #Inspirational #Scripture #Happiness #Focus #Joy #Faith #Love #Patience

Belief = Behavior

I’ve listened to a few songs from a music artist that goes by the name Lecrae. Many of his words have stood out to me in a way that either changed my character or helped polish it. “…and if I’m invisible to others, it’s only because their sight is limited, not my value,” These words have given me the courage to share my writings and to remind myself that my passions are valued by God. Everyone’s passions are given by God and valued by him. Whether others see value in it or not, it doesn’t take a single penny from the actual value you carry. So, let me ask, is there a power over you so much greater than God’s power within you? If you’re not sure of this answer, then sit back and observe the way you behave. Because how you behave reflects what you believe.
I ran into this question months ago and didn’t want to face answering it. It brought me out of my comfort zone. I knew once I knew the answer that I would have to do something about it. I remember watching an episode from “Touched by an Angel” when I was little and one of the lines that have stood out to me until this day has been “You can’t ruin God’s plan… you can only ruin being a part of it.” I realized a few days ago that I didn’t want to die living a settled life. I want to die knowing I accomplished everything God had planned for me. If God is for us, who can be against us? Right? I decided to change my beliefs because my behavior didn’t match what I was preaching. I hid my writings, I thought less of them, and I kept myself busy to avoid writing… “I love it, but it’s a waste of time.” That’s what I truly believed.
Now I believe that God created this passion in me to write, to share, and to love others through my writings. My behavior has changed. There is definitely a purpose and it is definitely not a waste of time… it is the most important part of my life. I write for me, I write for my daughter and nieces, I write for YOU, and I write for God.
I am human, a fearful human, and I plan on showing the world Gods power by allowing him to be my courage.


What are you passionate about?
What do you believe?

Romans 8:31
Jeremiah 29:11 (Tiffany’s favorite bible verse) (b.f.s.s.g.f.p)
Colossians 3:23
1 Corinthians 10:31

*Grammar advice/corrections welcome ☺

#Passionate #Inspiration #Scripture #Behavior #Beliefs #Writing #Value #Courage #Love

How to love

We need to know how to love regardless of our own emotions, regardless of someone’s behavior’s, regardless of someone’s opinion, and regardless of their image. Love is a choice and we need to consciously know what choices to make when facing difficulties with others and ourselves. For me, it does not boil down to religion, it boils down to having a relationship with God. A relationship takes communication such as speaking AND listening. It also takes trust, courage, and seeking to understand. Getting to know God allows us to get to know unconditional love REGARDLESS of the circumstances we are in. And no, we will never be perfect, but we can know that God’s power lies within us and we are more than able to accomplish anything God wants us to accomplish.
God loves without expectations
God disciplines out of love, not anger.
His love is patient, kind, forgiving, understanding, selfless, honest, protects, trusting, hopeful, and it always perseveres.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs, it does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.
We must CHOOSE to do what Love is.
Focus on you being this person, not wanting someone else to be this person for you.
And, we don’t all have to be with the same religion and hold the same belief’s to know that love is the best choice to make.

1st Corinthian chapter 13
1 John 4:7-11
Romans 8: 10-20
Proverbs 18:21
Matthew 6:33

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